"Why this school" supplements are usually short — sometimes under 150 words — and they trip up a lot of students because there's no room for a scene or a big story arc. This one, written for Carnegie Mellon's information systems program, shows what a tight, specific version looks like.

The Prompt

Describe your career goals and aspirations. How do you plan to use your computer science degree to accomplish your goals?

In middle school, I started teaching myself to code by watching YouTube videos and reading through different websites. Although early on I wasn't extremely knowledgeable in the technology field, I realized it was something I was interested in.

CraftOne sentence of origin story, and it stops there. In a 650-word personal statement this would be underdeveloped — in a short supplemental, it's exactly enough runway before getting to the point.

My passion for technology didn't fully blossom until I was in high school. It was in my freshman year that I took an introduction to programming class that inspired me to want to pursue a career in the field. In this class, I learned basic skills like loops, functions, and conditional statements that allowed me to add on to what I already knew. After facing initial challenges and struggles, I grew to enjoy every second of it and knew I wanted to study it even further.

My goal is to use my technology degree to help people, whether it be through distributing resources, creating devices, or just sharing my knowledge and experience with others. I know that Carnegie Mellon's groundbreaking information systems program will provide me with the necessary knowledge, leadership, and decision-making skills to make an impact in the world.

StructureThe school's name shows up exactly once, in the last sentence, and it's tied to something specific ("information systems program," "leadership and decision-making skills") rather than a generic compliment like "your amazing campus." That specificity is the entire job of a "why this school" essay — a sentence that could be pasted into any school's supplement is a sentence that isn't doing its job.

What Made This Work

⚠️ The most common mistake on this prompt type: writing about the school in words that could apply to any school ("beautiful campus," "great reputation," "diverse community"). If you could swap the school's name for a different one and the essay still reads fine, it needs to get more specific.